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I’ve had gents tell me that it’s just ‘not sexy’ if they tell me how to top, or which exact area of their body they want me to slap and tickle, so they’ve respectfully requested that I make it up as I go along and they’ll let me know if I do anything that’s not hitting the right buttons.But although that eases any worries that I might do something so awful it turns them off submission forever, it doesn’t ease my other pressing concern: that I am a flailing, insecure, bungling twat.

There is nothing – repeat: nothing – that makes me feel more dominant than ordering a guy to fuck me with a strapon.And, as I can attest from experience, even the gentlest of flicks is probably not a great idea.I had to buy him Wetherspoons nachos for a week to apologise.I love the look in a guy’s eyes when I can tease and hurt him in just the way he loves, and being able to conjure it gives me a deliciously warm kick in the cunt.But as I build up to it, most of the things that flash through my mind are either ‘too dominant – he wouldn’t believe it was me doing them’ or ‘not dominant enough – it sounds like I’ve read this one in Cosmo.’ So when a lady emailed me asking ‘have you got any good ideas on how to dominate a man?

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  1. John’s response rang in my ears: “you have to tell her or there will never be true intimacy in your marriage again, because the person you committed adultery with will always be between you and your wife.”Before I told Michelle of my betrayal, when we talked on the phone and she would cheerily tell me how much she loved me, the images of what I’d done tormented me.