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The kids’ main residence is with her, and Adam has the kids a few days a week.
The ex constantly sends Adam texts about the kids, from mundane details to complaints about their behavior.
They may be “on” when they’re around you, the way kids tend to be around people they don’t know well, but if you knew them on a deeper level, you might see more of a range of their internal experience, which probably has its ups and downs.
Of course they’ll be different around their mom; naturally, they’ll find it easier to self-regulate in Adam’s calmer, more stable household. After two and a half years, you’d have seen some less-than-pleasant behavior if you were making a concerted effort to integrate them into your life.
Ultimately, he responds not because he doesn’t care about your relationship, but because, like it or not, his kids are his priority.
While you want to be with Adam, you must understand that the person you’re in love with is somebody who has a family.And that’s this: If you and his kids were drowning in the ocean, I can assure you that Adam would rescue his kids before you.You’re going to have to embrace the fact that your boyfriend is a father and was before he met you, and if you want to be with him, you’ll have to make peace with what it is you’re signing up for.At the same time, I understand that in an ideal world, the kids would have a more stable and self-sufficient mother who wouldn’t intrude on your time with Adam.You say that you feel “robbed of something that should be” yours, and while you absolutely should have some uninterrupted time with Adam and parameters set in place, it will be important for you and Adam to talk about his needs as well.